Most People Do Not Listen with the Intent to Understand

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” I read this quote from Steven Covey recently on Facebook. He’s the author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It caught my attention and has stayed in my mind for a few weeks. This quote resonates with me for two different yet related reasons.

First, I believe that we clinicians – your professionals, must bear this in mind at all times. Every patient is unique and has a story to tell. It is our job to truly listen to your story, and respond with a treatment plan that is tailored to your hearing ability and your preferences and needs. So, even though we may have a “checklist” of questions we will want to cover, ultimately we need to take our time, sit back, and hear your story. This is how we can help you best, and we are committed to actively listening to each patient who seeks our help.

Second, listening through a hearing loss, even with the help of excellent hearing technology, is an active process. I’ve noticed that sometimes my patients seem to rush ahead to respond to conversation, not allowing enough time to process the words. But perhaps, slower listening would result in more accurate hearing, as well as more responsive and thoughtful give and take.

Mr. Covey said that communication is the most important skill in life. We are taught to read, write, and speak. But what about listening? We are less educated in listening to truly, deeply understand another human being.

Mr. Covey explained that most people seek first to be understood, to get our point across. We may ignore the other person, pretend to be listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning. What is happening here? According to Mr. Covey, most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. We have an internal dialogue as we prepare what we are going to say next. We filter what we hear through our own life experiences. So, we may decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating.

I think all of us – with normal hearing or not, can benefit from slower, more intentional and active listening. The result will be not just more accurate hearing, but truer communication.